My wife keeps making corn as a side dish when she makes spaghetti, she says her mother always made vegetable sides with pasta dishes, anything other then a bread type side just seem plain wrong to me.
Her side:
He proposed and wants to get married. He told me to quit my job, not to worry, he can take care of things until I find one in my degree field that I like. I find one and get laid off after a month along with 70 other people and cry like a baby because I was finally doing what I liked and contributing to the relationship financially. Even though he makes way more money than I do and can afford the house payment on his own with help from me or my roommate. (An old high school friend staying with us and paying til his girlfriends graduates from bootcamp and stuff) I finally have a job with no threat of losing it. I love it and I good at it but only work 10 to 15 hours a week but I do get bonuses per transactions if they spent over a certain amount. I just started this job two weeks ago and now he’s flaking out of the marriage because he says things should be equal and I need to work 40 and then he’ll marry me.
Mind you, on the days I don’t work I do laundry, clean the house, walk the dogs, dinner, and groceries, couponing and pretty much take care of the house. On the days I work, I do what I can and if I’m working late I cook dinner before I leave and wrap it up for him to eat when he gets home.
His side:
He’s flaking out of the marriage because he says things should be equal and I need to work 40 and then he’ll marry me. No matter what I do around the house I have to work for hours in order to walk down the aisle.
Her side:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and this weekend is my birthday. It will be the first time we are spending my birthday together as a couple (we’ve celebrated my birthday together as friends before, I want to be as fair as possible.) The thing is, his family planned a last minute camping trip to their weekend house (and I am not invited.) I wouldn’t want to go anyway since camping is not my thing. His family tells him he does not have to go, but he wants to go anyway since he loves camping and the cabin is brand new so he wants to go take the first look after its completion. He argues that we can celebrate my birthday after he comes back but I feel like he is not willing to make sacrifices-why can’t HE go the weekend after? In addition, I am one of those people who loves her birthday, not one who doesn’t really think much of the occasion. It is my 25th birthday, something I deem a milestone, and I will feel abandoned if he isn’t there by me.
I already told my best friends that I would do a post birthday celebration with them because I want to be alone with my boyfriend on the actual date, so if he isn’t there, I will be alone on my birthday. I don’t feel right calling them and asking them to be with me just because he is out of town because they might feel like I am using them as my back up plan, which is what I would be essentially doing. Also, the only person I really want to be with is him on the actual date. I’ve never been with a boyfriend on my actual birthday (both were long distance overseas relationships in college) before so I was really looking forward to this.
Am I being selfish for expecting him to be there?
His side:
Yes, I know my girlfriend loves to celebrate her birthday and this year I was looking forward to taking her out and spending some alone time with her. But my family has spent two years planning and designing our new house and as an interior designer, I was very involved with the whole process. There are a lot of innovative designs and I want to be there to witness it all. Originally, the house was supposed to be completed next month, but we were ahead of schedule and my family decided to go ahead and go this weekend. I understand that she told her friends already, but if she calls them and lets them know what happened, I know that her friends will still understand and celebrate with her if I am out of town and I will pamper her like crazy when I am back.
She was born by c-section anyway, so the actual date of her birth was pre planned. Meaning if her mom decided to have a c-section a week later, that would have been her actual birthday, so I don’t think it is that big of a problem.
His side:
My husband has always been the worst gift giver ever. It all went down hill with our first Xmas together. He got me a Funniest Home videos DVD. It was OK, I decided to give him a few hints every now and then when my birthday was coming up. I ended up getting a coffee mug. And not a pretty one..
We went around like this for a few years. I gave him hints or said directly that I would like to have a night out with him for my birthday, but I ended up getting crap.
The worst year was when I got him a pair of skies and every thing that goes with them and even a skiing out fit. He got me a shower curtain!
That was enough for me. I got really mad. For the first time, I actually told him that I hated his presents and thought they were ugly, cheap and horrible. He got mad at me for getting mad over a present and hasn’t bought me anything since. That was about two years ago. I hate this. I would like to have something nice from my husband. I’ve never gotten even flowers from him.
I think he’s just being self-centered and lazy. He’s never had any problems with using the stuff I got him, an MP3-player, sports gear (expensive at that) and all that. He says he doesn’t want expensive presents but I’ve never seen him turning any of them down.
He doesn’t even offer to pay when we’re out to eat. I normally pay more than my share, mostly because I handle my money better then he does. He makes more money, but lord knows where he spends it. Not on grocery shopping that’s for sure.
His side:
He said a gift is a gift and there should never be any reason to get angry for not getting what you wanted. A gift is not something you should expect, if you get it be happy.
He doesn’t like getting presents for other people, because he feels they expect too much from him.
Her side:
We’ve been together for five years and have a child. We have a lot in common and love each other and our family. But my husband has sexual problems: bad body image, difficulties to reach orgasm and thus erectile problems. This has caused a lot of stress between us. We’re both otherwise healthy and young.
In the beginning it was passionate. After the baby he changed. We’ve been going to marital counseling for two years and learned to talk about everything and not to argue so much. There was a one year break in our sex life, completely without intimate closeness, no matter what I did. It was hell. It’s over now but I still don’t trust that he won’t leave me alone again. Later I found out that it was partly because HE didn’t trust ME: I had a lover for a short while, which he found out and it ended. I didn’t care for this guy, he was just for sex because I was in so much need and my husband didn’t do anything no matter how much I tried to explain that sex is important. It is the glue of love, without it we start to fall apart.
He is not gay. He’s not seeing anyone else. He loves me, I KNOW this. I’m very open to all kinds of sex and intimacy, that’s not the issue. We have sex now once in 4 to 6 weeks. Mostly because he doesn’t want to lose me. He doesn’t want to try Viagra or go to a sex therapist. Every now and then, when I’m frustrated, I ask for permission to find myself a lover – someone nice and discreet that doesn’t want a full time relationship and respects my family life. My husband absolutely hates the idea. He gets furious and threatens that he’ll leave me then. Sometimes he’s sweet and needy and cries that HE wants to be my lover, a real lover, but he can’t. I’m ready to wait for him to find his way in his own time, if he’s too scared to face his problems yet. But meanwhile I really need to feel physical love, skin to skin, joy, desire, the feeling to be wanted by someone.
His side:
Sex has always been a difficult thing to him. That’s why he has other interests, work and art, being a dad. Maybe we shouldn’t have got together in the first place because we’re so different in this, but here we are and we really want to keep our family together. Sex is not so important: love is. And he loves me, more than any woman in his life. To him, our few good moments in bed stay in his mind forever. He can remember them and not want more. Sharing everyday life is his way of loving me. The idea of me having sex with someone else is like I was breaking our home and despising our love. He can give me pleasure more often than wants it for himself because he likes to see me enjoy. But he doesn’t even remember sex if I don’t bring it up. To him once a month is a good pace. He doesn’t like me nagging about this, it makes him feel cornered.
Am I entitled to a lover while waiting for him to find his way? We don’t want to separate.
Long story short I have dated my girlfriend and been faithful to her for 4 and a half years. Her name is Carol. Earlier this year my father was diagnosed with cancer and it put strain on our relationship. I did not know how to properly cope and I may have not been there for her when she needed me.
I needed a couple days away from her because my father was going through a rough time with his bone cancer in terms of pain. While this was happening I found out she kissed (not just a peck) another man. She apologized to me when she told me, however I was devastated and I still am.
I do not quite know what to do, she feels it was justified, I would have preferred her dump me than cheat on me? I love this girl and I always will we do get along well, however this has really hurt me, especially considering I was planning on asking her to marry me within a year from now. My dad has since passed and I have been trying to do everything for her but I still wonder was it ok to do what she did?
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